Scanlyze

The Online Journal of Insight, Satire, Desire, Wit and Observation

UN Security Council Announces “No-Fly” Zone over the United States

UN Security Council Announces “No-Fly” Zone over the United States

Geneva November 15, 2011

The United States defiantly announced it would continue its crackdown on peaceful anti-government protesters even as warplanes of a dozen nations in a “coalition of the willing” prepared to enforce a “no-fly” zone over the entire United States.

Speaking for the Security Council after a 13-0 vote from which the US and China abstained by being not present, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, said:

“Russia is a democratic and peace-loving nation. Nonetheless, the international community cannot permit that the gross violations of human rights and international law by the United States against their own citizens, be allowed to continue. We have seen the arbitrary arrest and detention of thousands of protesters from the non-violent “Occupy” movement, plus numerous documented examples of excessive use of force against the protesters. The continued use of toxic chemical weapons is a clear violation of the 1925 Geneva Protocol on Gas Warfare. The documented use of lead shot filled “beanbags” fired from shotguns at non-violent protesters from point-blank range is an egregious violation of human rights and international law. The US has shown it is unable or unwilling to abide by its own Constitutional guarantees of freedom of speech and assembly.

“Consequently, today we have taken the following actions. All assets of the United States and US-owned corporations and persons around the world are frozen. A “no-fly” zone is in place over the United States and its dependent territories and colonies. We are establishing bases in Mexico and Canada to enforce this zone, including the option, if necessary, of destroying all land, sea and air-based defensive capabilities of the US. The United States has been placed on the list of terrorist nations, and a list of public officials and corporate leaders is being added to a sanctions list. The President of the United States, his cabinet, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff, as well as intelligence officials, are being referred to the World Court for possible war crimes prosecution. Our Spetsnaz forces are on the ground in the US assisting and supporting the dissident groups.”

In response, the US President, Barak Obama, released a statement saying, “The United States is a proud and independent nation. We do not accept that we should be dictated to by an arbitrary consortium of enemies and former allies who think that they can dictate the internal policies of the United States at gunpoint. We will crush these rats, these germs of internal dissent, and we shall never surrender to blackmail by foreign powers. Long live the United States of America!”

[yes this is satire! and hopefully remains so]

Copyright © 2011 Henry Edward Hardy

15 November, 2011 - Posted by | media, news, peace, politics, scanlyze | , , , , , , ,

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